How to Keep Marriage Healthy

A healthy marriage is what a baby and family deserve. The best thing you can do is try. I'm a child of divorced parents so I'm not bashing anyone. :]

Here are some things I've come up with so far to maintain a healthy marriage :
-Have date night at least once a week. [If you have a baby, even if it's pizza and wine for 15 minutes at most finally after the baby went down. Just light a single candle or something! Then pass out, tehehe. :]
-Yes, be each other's true best friend. You're on the same team. Respecting each other is huge aspect of doing this.
-Don't go to sleep mad.
-Don't have many nights apart. Example: business trip, etc.
-Take trips and vacations to relax, explore, learn, have fun, share and make memories together. Whether it's a day outing, going fruit picking in the nearby countryside of where you live, mini weekender, or whatever!
-Talk arguments out so that there are no misunderstandings or grudges for next time. Talk it out to release so you can learn and or teach one another. You'll also release their love for you by talking it out rather than the opposite. :]
-Def pick and choose your "battles". It's too much to fight for all of them. Why bother anyways? Let the person be if it's not going to interfere with you [meaning dont bicker much if its something they do and doesnt involve you, but just bothers you].
-Love yourself to love your spouse and others. So that means standing up for yourself when you need to also.
-No name calling in arguments. You can't take what you said when you're mad back. [I'm bad in this :[
-Therapy is healthy. I wish we could [extra cash] do this. [Although a couple we do this with is not bad too, lol jk.]
-Keep God as the center. This is a personal belief. That is the only way it will grow healthy and strong. Yep, God knows what one goes through a marriage!

You can always be doing something to better a relationship. These are easier said than done and challenging. Yes there are a lot; with a lotttt more I didnt even mention. No one said it was going to be easy. Hey a marriage is a blessing, but also a lot of work. ;]

Please share more tips and opinions!!! I would love to hear.

On the same page, finally

Hubby has been growing more and more and more excited to start a family. Before he was just worried about money money money. Very understandable. Now that money money money worry worry phase is done [until it comes back, lol!], it's so much fun telling him about all the baby dreams i dreamt the night before and him just simply being like thats such a nice dream. Awesome! :] It's so nice to just hear him say im going to be a great mom and having nice support from him.

when we first got engaged, he told his own parents he was afraid of me raising children. WTF. i will never forget that one, yes thanks. [and yes i remind you, babe.] you were such a loser for telling your parents that!!!! ugh that set them [and me] back a good year. going off tangent, what else is new.

but now i am very happily, very surprised at how excited you are too! and im loving it! :D

i always knew youd be a great father. you better play with them when im pooped the eff out, tehehe. thanks in advance, love.

I can not imagine one day being pregnant! Of course I dream about it all the time [in the least ;], excited and am "ready" [right moms? :], but I just can not believe it! :D It truly is a miracle. I can't picture myself with a baby in my stomach! :]

Do others who have a child or children now know what I'm saying?

Dreams of Pregnant Wine [lol to the title]

I had a dream that it was now ok for pregnant women to drink generous amounts of wine [only wine was now ok] during their pregnancy. I was like oh perfect ;]

bahaha

Amount of TV, Sweets, Playing, Sleep...

I was raised rather on the spoiled side getting to eat whatever I want when I wanted [food thats pretty bad for you, endless sweets, ice cream, etc etc.], watch tv whenever, play whatever whenever, sleep wheneverrr, etc. Times were also def different back then as well, but my mom was very lenient in the least. So of course I grew up thinking that I would give my children ice cream every single night after dinner [ok, ok not even after dinner], etc etc.

The family I watch now are on the strict side only allowing them 30 minutes of tv or electronic games everyday, ice cream only on friday nights [which at first, I felt so bad for them and thought it was blasphemy! :], limit anything sweet, push only healthy snacks, in bed by 8pm [and listen!], etc etc. And as a result, they play so well by themselves!! They do feen for sweets and do anything for it, but are rather very good with it also.

I'm not saying one is bad, etc. Just saying :]

Marital Counseling/Therapy

A healthy marriage is ideal for a household so it's important to try to be the best not only for yourself, but for your children and family as a whole. I'm not saying if you are divorced, not married, etc. that it means any less. I am an only child of divorced parents so I'm not saying anything negative about anyone. ;]

I am all for [the idea of, at least :P] doing things to always help a/my marriage. I think marital or any type of counseling or therapy is a very healthy thing for a good or not so good couple, person, etc. There is always room for growth, especially in a marriage. It's two becomes one people, and fact is that it's not always as easy for all of the 982687526752 things you face. You always need to work to keep it alive and at its best even when it's great. You need to thank the Lord for no big problems when your marriage is doing well too! Amen! :P

Our new church, we would like to hopefully be our home church, offers premarital [a MUST] and newly married marital counseling so I jumped on it! Super excited!! It really helps to learn about yourself and how you can better yourself for the team, aka marriage as one. [Yes swallow your pride ppls. :] We are pretty good communicators [no wait, I'm good at saying everything on my mind - good and horrible], but there's always some things that were misunderstood or forgotten sometimes.

Also there's this new VH1 reality show called Couples Therapy. It just premiered tonight. I love watching something like this so I can see different marriages in different perspectives. :]

Helping your children financially later in life

If I could, I would help my children out financially when they have more time [younger] but do not have as many finances to explore certain experiences to gain knowledge, memories, etc. Not all parents would agree to that and that is perfectly fine. I don't think I'll buy my children all houses if I had all the money in the world, no. I would pay for 4 years of college, give them a very very generous honeymoon so they can explore and build together as they start their marriage [and after stressful wedding planning :P], and help with their infants. Someone I know said that they gave their children money when they started a family because that is when they need it the most starting off, rather than leaving it to them in their will. I side with them on that. ;]

my future fellow pregnant friends ;]

I can't wait for everyone [esp my friends :] to get married when they're ready! And I can't wait for everyone to get pregnant too. OMG I'm going to cry for both occasions for everyone so much!!

I'll be the first one to come over with my baby/ies :D to cook and help soothe any way I can later for all of you!!!! ;] I'm not even pregnant yet and 98% [my 1st friend JUST got engaged. whoo hoo!! and I foresee 2 by end of 2012!] of my friends arent even engaged yet... but yeah just letting you all know. hahaha <3

I *wish our firstborn to be a girl.... Then rest boys! Lol

I know that the power of prayer will help us conceive.

fashion on hold, my later dream

For those of you who know me, I was always going to work up the fashion ladder and started to in my college years. A lot of you actually tried to prevent me from me switching out from fashion. :P As soon as I met my husband we talked about many things early on and came to an agreement that if I am able to stay at home to be a mother, wife, and homemaker that I would. We both grew up where our parents were always working hard for us and so they never came to our games, etc. Long story short is that I have [90% :] happily put my fashion dreams aside for our family. It would be a privilege, and no money or time in the world would compare for me.

I absolutely miss fashion right now, but I DEF dont miss working in the fashion industry where its do or die, everything was supposed to be done yesterday but couldnt bcos of other factors, and the stress... all for clothes, accessories, etc. I love fashion, but hi we are not saving lives!! ;] As I respect the fashion industry and the hard sweat, blood, and tears [lol. so not kidding], I felt my morals being unbalanced. So of course I tried to start my own fashion business but didnt follow through on marketing, etc. and just made a blog for my fashion outlet. lol.

As I am home later with screaming babies, house a mess, still have errands to run by myself... I might cry, lol but won't regret it. My prayer is still to be able to pursue fashion later when I'm 40+. tehehehe. I just can't and won't give up fashion. It's just on hold. My prayer is to be able to be a stylist and personal shopper when I'm in my 40s and 50s. Why not!? And with the power of prayer, I will be able to juggle in 15 hours a week to start that dream. Ask and you shall receive. Believe when you pray.

Sleeping

I am a light sleeper and my husband is not. He is a big snorer. I love cuddling and falling asleep and sleeping in each other's arms, lol. I can not do that. :[ And I don't sleep as well bcos of it. :P
After I wake him up, he falls asleep and is snoring again in less than 10 seconds. I already feel like I have an infant child. NO JOKE. :P The past couple weeks have been out of control. Maybe God is preparing me, LOL.
He promised to get that surgery in Korea. It's supposed to help a lot. I already go to sleep with ear plugs.
I used to hit him in the middle of the night, every time. I know it's not his fault nor does he know and I wake him up from his precious sleep so now I just gently tell him. He apologizes which is sweet. But dang.......... my body feels like I worked out all day and trust me that is not the case.
The past two weeks, I feel like I have a newborn. Today I woke up early, even before 11am. x[ hahaha

This past week the kids I nanny had the whole week off. I had that Monday off bcos the dad had off from work. Everyday I woke up at 7am [I usually wake up like 11am. Yo I'm taking advantage of my sleep right now and don't feel bad ONE BIT. :] Everyday we went on a new journey, a new place, a new museum, and a new adventure. We had so much fun and filled our entire day. I came home every night happy and exhausted. I couldnt WAIT to sleep in. ;]
This full week is a glimpse into my summer. I will be waking up madd early and being with the kids all day long. My summer will be a tiny mini glimpse into my future. And it doesnt seem bad at all. I think I'm made for this. :] I can handle this. Give me your kids and I'll take them too. hehehe.

Crybaby

So last Friday the kids I nanny had their Tae Kwon Do test to move up from being a white belt to a yellow belt. They were nervous. The girl was especially nervous about breaking the board.

So there I am watching with the parents. First one does fine after couple tries. It came to the part where she had to break the board. She kept at it and by the 20th [no, no really] time I started to get so sad. Everyone in the entire room [all the kids taking the tests with their parents, nannies, friends, etc] all watching just her since she's the last one standing. She is a very persistent girl so she kept kicking the board without hesitation, but with every kick she got more and more discouraged. I know she's petrified inside, disappointed in herself, and frustrated that she cant kick the board in half after the 30th try. What she had been worried about for days and what she dreaded most ... her "worst" nightmare was coming true to her.

At this point, I am trying to hold myself together. [What the!?, right? LOL!] She finally breaks it! I'm so proud that she kept kicking until she broke the board. Then she wipes her tear really quickly like a 30 year old man, not even a little girl, and sits back down as everyone is cheering for her.

IIII, friggin of course, start to loose it. I cry. UGH. So many questions in my mind like I hope the parents dont see me, I hope this random dad next to me who isnt into the tests and on his iphone doesnt think i'm cray cray, I hope the teachers and master dont see me, I hope I'm not too red in the face and eyes, Geez why am I so emotional?, WHy am I crying?, OMG she isnt even my child!!, WAIT seriously why am I crying, OH GREAT I'm going to cry for EVERYTHING for my kids, etc etc. Yes, the FRiggin crybaby is me, not even the girl! :P

I know I'm a crybaby [I'm a HUGE crybaby], but why did I cry about this? It was so emotional for me. So sad. I wanted to shield her and tell her it was ok and that she did GREAT. And no I wasn't even being sensitive on my monthly so I dont get it. xP

When you find out in your 1st trimester.. and sharing the news

As for telling others when we think [tragically, the 1st trimester is never a definite the baby will survive] we are pregnant, I still have no clue on how long we.. no I will be able to keep it a secret from the friggin :P world. You should share with others after the 1st trimester because many, many healthy and perfectly fine babies and mothers can and do unfortunately miscarry their first time.

One pastor said that you should share with people when you conceive because whether you miscarry or not, you should go through it all with your community. I thought wow what an amazinggggg perspective. The only reason why I would think of not sharing is obviously for the sake of others. I'm not superstitious.

Going on a random tangent, I admire Guiliana & Bill Rancic for sharing their struggles because I don’t think they do it all for fame. It is a horrible and very hard thing to go through, let alone share. But in sharing, they help people in many different ways. That is SO inspirational to me.

I know a few people who have shared with me that they miscarried a [most common is first] pregnancy. If you would like to anonymously share your story on this blog to help encourage others, please feel free to email me.

I wanted this blog to show the "not so good" [bad, depressing] as well, so in that case maybe I will share early on. And if I do happen to miscarry, I will share about that too... only in hopes that others who are or have gone through it can all try to help, relate, understand, and encourage one another. It can very easily be a [beyond] depressing time and you don't need to go through it alone. It is sadly, indeed, common.

Soooooo.... I guess what I'll really do is try to get "permission" from my husband to share with others when we find out. :P So miscarriage or not, I would like to share during my first trimester. But it's not just up to me now.

Start Trying... aka “TTC” [duh! :P]

We are starting to try this month, January 2012!! ...Or aka “TTC” Trying To Conceive. I used this TTC word way too much as if it’s “LOL” or as if I invented the lingo TTC. I started using TTC to my friends without explaining it. So. like. me. [rolling eyes at myself!]. I even made up and started saying, “duh I’m on the only diet I’ve ever been on in my life - The TTC Diet!!!” hahaha. By which I gave up half of that stuff and pretty much failed sticking to the TTC diet. I just added healthy foods to my normal diet. I just cant and am not a yogurt person [eat half way and kinda yak], an oatmeal person [as I chugged a small portion every morning, I started to kinda yak. It doesnt even taste that bad!], a celery person, a big salad person. Oh geez, this is horrible I’m going to stop naming them. There will be a whole entry on this later anyways. Anywhoos, the real purpose of this entry before I start going on 285 other tangents [I dont even have a baby brain yet. lolol!] is that.........ok this should have been the beginning....

One of my friends didn’t exactly know what that really means - start trying. Also a good point! So when someone says that they are going to start trying, it means that you are off birth control and or not using a condom. Some just dont use any protection or contraceptives when TTC, but dont time their period, etc. so that is a more “whatever happens, happens” type of mindset. Actively trying means, well just that you are putting more “effort” into trying to conceive a baby. That could include stopping or lessening smoking/drinking, taking certain vitamins, eating a certain way, marking your calendar when and before, checking every month if you get your period or not, etc. etc. etc.

Ages and Babies

Disclaimer: If anything, just read the last paragraph!! This is a very sensitive topic [getting married or having kids "too young"] to me as you can see! It is a very, very detailed post. I couldn't help myself. Do I have a complex? I wouldnt change anything, but being the first married and maybe first to have children amongst my group/age... can also be very difficult in its own ways. [That is a huge topic I may or may not get into. x/]

Not going to lie, I don’t like it when people tell me I’m too young, I should wait, etc. to have children because I am just too eager to be a future mother. If I could control it, I would! Ok? :P Let me first say that I know they are trying to look out for me! Thank you!! :] I also understand and respect, since being a nanny and knowing many who have young children, that there is no comparison and that it is indescribably different than living your life 24/7 [waking up 1am, 2am, 3am, 4am, 6am good morning] with children and actually being a parent.

My husband and I have a 6 year age gap. I am perfectly fine with it. I always wanted to marry someone older and for the most part dated older so 6 years is cool with me. My husband, on the other hand, did get and does get a share fair about him “robbing the cradle”. Cradle... Baby Blog... Cool. Ha ok anyways...

We are currently 25 and 31 about to celebrate both our birthdays in a month. In a perfect world, if we conceive [no you can never really plan] when we’re 26 and 32, maybe we would have our 1st child when we’re 27 and 33. Add a hopeful 3 more babies and 1-2 years in between that. 27 & 33, 29 & 35, 32 & 38, 34 & 40 - this is being extremely hopeful. In reality, it’ll be closer to a decade for sure. That is a longg time loosing sleep, insanity, not going on vacay [lol], having and raising infants and babies. I didn’t say a miserable time, I said long... and will add challenging time. I can not use these numbers, but will do so just as a basic guide. By the time the 4th baby is 25 years old, my husband is 65 years old. By the time my husband is 40, it has just only begun really. And that is perfectly fine if so!! But if I could start trying earlier, I am - is what I mean. :] On a side note, my husband looks and I think will be active enough when he’s older to keep up so def no worries. ;]

I am the first to get married amongst my friends. I am the only one talking about trying to conceive amongst my friends. [HK doesnt count in all this. :] So I have heard many things about getting married at 24 [to some its madd early and others its not] and when to have children. So for those who say I am rushing or too young in age to be a mother, I wanted to share just the number factor with you. At the end of the day, age is indeed just a number whether you are an “older or younger” parent or "immature or mature enough" to be a parent. Being a 27 year old mother is not that young!! I am not having children too young!!!!!!!!!! :]

For those who want to be a newlywed for longer, that is awesome. No sarcasm at all. My husband and I have made the decision to try for a family when we do. I also see/compare it as 3-10 years [3 years for one infant. 10 years for many children.] now when I’m in my mid to late 20s OR 5 years later when I’m in my 30s.... waiting 1.5 years or 5 years, you’re going to go through it. I personally want to be a younger mom [career is another future topic :], juggle being a mother while I’m younger and feel like I have more energy [lol feel is the key word], have the babies/children more/sooner in my lifetime, and be younger as they age... so we can be closer in age to, for example, have grandchildren [again just an example] with them sooner. Does this make sense?

Not trying to sound mad or bitter. Please keep in mind that I hear of age and when in time... a lot. With me right now, it’s not helpful. Please be encouraging. That is what I need. I am not trying to figure out when so your time to persuade or share about that - that window has unfortunately closed. We know when we would like to start. Even if I’m wrong, we’re already pass that. It’s too late. So please help me feel good about our decision. THANKS. <- That was sarcastic. :P

Everyone warns us of the no sleep, the lack of freedom, and jokes of all the hardships of having children which I agree and second hand see to be true. I dont disagree. What I’m trying to say is that whether you have children when you’re 25 or wait, you will go through those tough and challenging years. So I choose sooner than later. I am also very excited, for example, to take a family Euro trip that all the children can understand in "20" years rather than "27" years. I am excited to be apart of my child’s wedding "5" years earlier in our [husband and me] lives. All because we decided to have a family “5” years earlier. That is my reasoning behind it is all! :] :]

THANK YOU. GOOD DAY. GOOD NIGHT. BYE BYE

How Many Children?

Ok ask me again in 2, 3, 4, 5 years. :]

I am an only child who loves being smothered, loves being with many people [I want to be with] all the time, and wants a huge family. I find it interesting when I ask only children how they feel about the number of children they would like. It’s usually 1 child or many. So extreme and nothing in between. They usually either like being an only child or they want a huge family. I have a huge family on my father’s side [He has 1 older sister and 5 younger brothers, so that’s 7 children.], and I absolutely love holidays [or anything at that] with all of them. When I do something, I always ask 30 people too. I love being with lots of good people all the time.

Yes, I will speak to you again after my 1st and 2nd pregnancy!!, but right now I would love 4 children. If I have 4 of the same sex, I’m going for the fifth! And then stopping. Even if pregnancy is really rough for me, I think I would be the one to suck it up [and complain while trying to suck it up!] to have more than two for sure. I dont want an uneven number - so that’s my dumb philosophy on having 3 children. Wow I just realized 3 of my closest and longest girlfriends are all apart of a 3 children family so I dont hate on the middle child or a family of 3.

Let’s pray for 4. Four.... Four... Four... Four :]

Miscarrying Woes

I was always afraid as a kid [I know, weird child! lol] of being barren. I think it was perhaps bcos of some Bible stories. Not blaming the Bible!! Just saying. :] Anyways, I am confident now that I'm not barren bcos I got all these crazy tests done in Korea over the summer. I am actually above the norm for my age. Yaaay ;D
Now I am scared of miscarrying. A lot of healthy women who get healthy babies miscarry their first pregnancy during their first trimester. It is actually more frequent than I thought or knew. The thought of that possibility happening is the real reason my husband quickly agreed to bump up our trying date a few months earlier. He knows that if that was to ever happen, how devastatedddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd and ddepressed I would be. And he didnt hesitate or try to negotiate. Thanks to J for sharing that with us. I think a lot more [if not most?] of us think that they will get pregnant easily deep inside bcos everyone hopes for it, but you never know. That’s why it really is a miracle gift from God. I will one day really feel that meaning, and I can not wait! [if you already couldn't tell :P]

“What is this?????!”

This blog is about sharing my journey as my husband and I try to conceive for our first baby. Not only am I beyond excited [in the least, haha] that “I’m so excited and I just can’t hide it” [omg do I already have a corny mom mindset? Am I already embarrassing my future embryo!? JAYKAY], but I want to share, ask, and rant raw truths about the good, bad, hopeful wishes, dreams, depressing, ugly, disgusting, worries, questions, CRAZY, PSYCHO, chaotic and wonderful blessings that come before and during pregnancy and [hopefully. I’m just going to talk like I will and can. Being positive] having a precious gift of life.

This obviously.obv. is not a professional blog. I will [try. my “normal” is NOT most ppl’s normal] not to get too detailed or disgusting so dont worry too much. I am horrible when it comes to grammar, but I will try to keep it eligible. My blog will only get loopier and make less sense with horrible grammar as time goes on anyways. So please just TRY to ignore most of the mistakes. This blog is for fun, fun for me, haha. Let me be! :]