When I first got a baby bump, I was proud of it. I was excited to wear fitted tops to show it off. That lasted for like a week or so.
I started hearing how big I was. And I know I'm not a big pregnant person, but it got to me more in a negative way. I didn't want to show off my belly bump anymore. Without realizing at first, I would wear loose tops so that it wouldn't bring attention to the bump. It's very silly.
I'm wondering what my real hesitations and insecurities are about it. I feel like it's something deeper and my worries are not about the weight issue, but on how I feel and am scared about the future with my friends and their understanding of pregnancy and motherhood. I feel like the baby bump incident is a glimpse to how I may feel in certain situations in the future. I am aware that I complain about experiencing things first and alone.
Or does my baby bump make me feel very distant from my friends? Am I trying to hide my baby bump because what it symbolizes to me inside my crazy mind? I'm beyond excited for children, but also know that it's a HUGE change and it is VERY different from my friends. Not a bad thing at all, just very different. I will be going through recovery and the struggles first and alone, and my friends won't know how it feels just yet. I think I'm scared about not having my friends be able to understand that? And then feeling alone?
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